My principle for decision making, especially for the critical decisions in my life, is very simple. I do not make it. I simply follow where God leads me.

My encounter with Jesus happened when I almost finished my university. That was a turning point in my life. For once, I have something to hold on to for the rest of my life.

I love more than I hate. I simply lose the ability to hate. And I lose my ability to lie. There is peace and joy in my heart. True peace and joy.

It is so beautiful to fall in love with Him. The journey, however, has not always been easy. Only hopes —the hopes of seeing Him and coming home to Him— keep me alive and going.

When I don’t know where to go, He shows me the way

He showed me where I should work. For three months after my graduation I was jobless. And stressed. It was the economic crisis time, but then again… I have always been good all my life. So it stressed me out that I was not able to get a job for some time. I was praying diligently everyday, asking Him, “God, would you show me where I should work?” But I received no reply.

Then one Wednesday, a person from UL —a big consumer goods company in my country— called me up. He asked whether I would like to go to city S and be interviewed further. I said I would give my answer the next day. I prayed and prayed, but I didn’t receive the confirmation I was looking for. So… without any other offer on hand, I said no. For I believe that it was not for me.

Tuesday, the following week. I was praying in the morning, as usual. Suddenly, His voice was clear in my mind, “Today you will get your answer.” I didn’t know what it would be. But my heart was rejoicing. For I knew, He had answered my prayer. And rightly so. During lunch time that day, the HR department of my current company called up and invited me for interviews. And though I knew that I still had to go through the whole process, I believed that things would work out just fine.

And here I am, until now 🙂 

When I am in trouble, He saves me and He protects me

The year 1998 was a turbulent year. I saw a lot of my friends took flight after the riot that happened in the capital city that year. And I was struggling with the same decision as well. Should I go out of the country, or shouldn’t I? In my confusion, He showed me a verse in the bible that says, ‘stay in the country and be faithful.’

He protected me physically as well. For in the same year —1998, that is— one evening I was going home from a cell group meeting with a couple of my friends. We took a mikrolet (something like a mini bus) to go home, and besides us there were 3 other passengers inside. All of a sudden, in a dark and quiet area of the neighborhood, the 3 other passengers that were with us, took out their knives and started to threaten us. They wanted our money and valuables.

In that situation, one of my friend managed to escape, leaving me and another girl behind. Not knowing what else to do, I closed my eyes, lifted up my hand, and I started to pray in tongue. My friend was doing the same thing as well.

I could feel the knife pressed to my chest and I was trying hard to ignore it. I chose to just think about Jesus and kept praying in tongue. Until they finally left. Left without doing anything. It’s unbelievable! I could not say anything but to praise God. For I believed He had protected me throughout the whole thing.

When I am in desperation, He guides me

I could go on and on and on about all God’s favors in my life. How He told me when to go to another country. To move or not to move to another job. A lot of things. I even asked Him about this whole thing of being gay. I remember, back in my hour of desperation when I was sick on my bed after my break-up with my 4th girl, I was praying to Him, “God, please take away this feeling. But if not, God, please tell me what to do.”

I felt a strong urge to open the bible and there it was in 1 Kings, a verse that surprised me. It was beyond my comprehension. I could not believe what I read and I prayed again, “God, I don’t understand. What do You mean?” And He showed me the same thing again and again, in the book of Job, in two different verses.

Do I understand it completely? No, I still don’t. Even until today. But I will not lose hope. I believe He will show me the signs.

And when He does, I know I will understand.



  1. […] God Posted by: tonkatsudelights | February 9, 2008 […]

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