I don’t know how to describe how I felt when I heard that news.

The whole night and morning I didn’t cry a single tear. My eyes were not even wet. My heart was not hurting at all. And I was able to calmly pray.

The only thing that was not cooperating was my body. The chemical reaction inside has caused something like heartburn. Too much acid in my stomach. And it only died down after I prayed to God to take control of all of me. Not just my mind, my heart, my soul, but also my body.

I actually can feel the peace. The unexplainable peace inside. Though actually, I kinda prefer being able to cry as well. Cos I think by crying it will release the things held up inside, though I don’t know what it is. I think, to some extent, crying will make me feel more of a human being. So the whole afternoon I was looking for a reason to cry…

I called up a friend and told her the story. She was quite amazed that I can take things graciously. But I still didn’t cry.

So I approached Patty, a good friend in the office. There I was able to cry. And smile again. We actually cried together. Patty is in pain from her parents’ divorce. After more than 20 years of marriage. I was able to cry as she was sharing her pain inside.

And I was able to cry also when I called up Ms. PF’s mom. I really felt touched when she said she misses me. That she thinks of me as her child too. And she would want to be there in my graduation as my parents most likely won’t be able to make it. I thanked her and I told her, no matter what, I don’t want to lose this relationship that I have with her and her family. She was trying hard to explain that she cares for me, but she said, she just didn’t know how to explain well with words.

It’s okay, Auntie. I understand. You don’t need words to show it. I have seen it with my eyes.

And I thank you.