How far do you go and interfere in other people’s lives?

When you know that your friend’s boyfriend is cheating on her and she doesn’t know it, do you keep that to yourself? Or do you then go and tell her?

That time, I was just a young teenager and I was angry when I found out about it. I went and told my friend. Very hard to do, but I did. And I witnessed how devastated she became. They finally separated and never got together again. And now they have led their own separate lives and maybe never really remember each other again.

And I was left wondering, should I or shouldn’t I?

When you see that somebody is not good for your friend —and it has become a general consensus among your friends that he isn’t— do you say your opinion as a matter-of-factly and let her make her own decision, or will you try to advise her to leave him? There is a difference between ’I personally don’t think he’s good for you’ and ‘I think you should leave him…

That time, I was already in my late 20’s. My view has changed. I kept my mouth shut. I said, ‘It’s your own decision to make. You said so yourself that he’s no good for you. A liar, a coward, and a cheater. But you love him. If you ask me, I can only think with my logic and I will say he’s no good for you, but only you know how you feel and what you are able to take.’

And she stayed at my place, hid from her husband for one month, thought about it well, and decided to get back to him. For a couple of years. Until things start to turn to worst between them and she filed for divorce. An ugly divorce.

And again I was left wondering, did I do the right thing by detaching myself from the issue? I think, maybe this is the way it should happen. The end result may be the same, but that was the journey that she has to make. No matter how hard it was for her. If she never tried to get back with her husband, she would never have known how it’d become. She would always wonder and probably blame us, her friends, if she’s not happy with the way things are. But now, the reality speaks for itself.

How far do you go and convince somebody she’d better not leave? How she’d better not quit the company and join another?

And sometimes I find it very tricky because a lot of times I find that the people who said that they were leaving, actually were not 100% confident that they should leave. A lot of times they are on the fence, and the things that you told them may actually influence their decisions.

So, this is what I believe. I believe, everyone has to make their own decisions. We’re talking about adults here. Adults who know what is right and wrong for themselves. And even if they don’t, they know what risks they can take. But I also believe, that we can always give our opinion. And we can always expose them to the things that they are not aware of.

Still, from time to time, I always ask myself, ’should I or shouldn’t I?’

Life would be easier if you can just go on with your life without minding other people’s business. But it will also be boring. So, we just gotta go on with our lives, helping to shape the lives of the people whose path we come across.