It all began when my company sent me to a training in China for almost 3 months. Yeah… those kinds of long trainings where you got paid for studying during the weekdays. And partying during the weekends.

On the first day of the training, I scanned the classroom in the morning…bzzzzt…. I spotted a Chinese guy there, quite good-looking… and then… bzzzt…. there, a Chinese girl… also good-looking. Just slightly shorter than me with a leaner built, and quite an asset in front. Straight and long hair, very sweet smile with one dimple on her cheek. Cheekbones as high as the late Soong Ching-ling’s (aka Mdm Sun Yat Sen) or Maggie Cheung’s, the actress who played her. I thought to myself, if I were with a guy it’d be with that one guy and if I were with a girl it’d be that one…

She didn’t speak much. Even after we were introduced she would only gave a sweet smile whenever our eyes met. No further conversations… simply because none of us was trying to strike. Mind you, I was not looking for anybody, boyfriend or girlfriend. If I were, I wouldn’t show up every day in the shuttle bus, looking so sleepy … big specs, no make up, scruffy-looking hair, and shoelaces not tied up yet… I was pretty sure nobody would be interested in me.

Every day when I got on the bus, I had been wanting to sit down by her side and chat her up,… but I just didn’t have the courage to do so. I am usually bold and outspoken, but not in front of the girl that I fancy. So I chose to sit down by the Thai folks. No regrets, though. It was great fun and I treasure the friendships. I became very close to some of them even up to this day.

But then, after awhile,… I found myself always stealing a glimpse of her in the classroom. So I started looking for reasons to talk to her. I remember standing up in front of her hotel room for a good 10-15 minutes thinking of the right words to say. And when I finally rang the bell, I came up with reasons like …’hey, do you know a friend here who can lend a guitar to me… I really miss playing it… can you help?’…. Any reasons that could get me to talk to her. Or even got me into her hotel room.

It was during these chats that I learned from her that the Chinese guy I like happened to like me as well (but of course, they didn’t know I liked them). The two of them were good friends, and she was his confidante (they were quite close even my Thai friends and I thought they were lovers at first). She told me, he said that I was a very interesting girl. Smart and cute… and the reason why I’m cute? It’s cos I always show up every morning with a ‘don’t care’ attitude, and shoelaces not tied up every day! OK, it’s weird, seriously… I really didn’t get what he was thinking… but at that time I didn’t mind cos I kinda liked him as well.

And the dating game started, though it started quite late. By this time it was already almost 2 months! (Oh… the time I wasted…) He asked me out for dinner and she did as well (as a friend, of course). And they both took me to the same places! When I told her so, she just smiled and said, “He doesn’t know how to order the good food. Relax,… you’ll eat better with me” And certainly the conversation was better with her as well. I mean, the conversations with the guy were nice, but something was just missing. With her, it was very passionate. The words were just flowing and the time was just flying when I was with her…

After 2 months, I flew back to my country for a 2-week break. And I was yearning for her. At this time, I haven’t made my feelings or intentions known. I was not even sure what was this that I was feeling! I could not write or say anything that was too personal. So, the best thing I could do was to write a long and funny e-mail to all of my classmates during the training. I addressed them one by one. With jokes, obviously. Later she would tell me that she couldn’t help laughing the moment she read that e-mail. She liked it very much that she saved it for future reading.

When I got back in China again, I started to sit by her everyday in the bus. And we would chat and laugh and chat and laugh… But then, things were not moving further. It stopped at dinners. And chats on the bus. On the phone at nights. Or in the hotel room sometimes…

(Guangzhou, June 1999)